Seasons..Dec 2008

I am thirty years old and expecting our fourth child in less than 2 months. Rob and I purchased our first home at 10,000 Nantucket Circle in Anchorage two years ago but we do not plan to be here much longer. Opportunities are presenting themselves closer to family and the warm land we crave. To my surprise, it will be a typical departure, happy to go, however, sad to leave.


It is a surprise because at first, I was angry with Alaska, couldn’t wait to leave. But, one year into our stay, Angela was born and changed everything. After her birth, I fell in love with Alaska’s bold majesty. Could this be the same country I found intolerable? Was this the same landscape that made me feel so isolated? My greatest gift from Angela, the truth of life and death, altered my perspective and gave me new eyes.



The Great Land continues to intimidate me, but now my eyes see comfort in its nature and I not only respect its strength but stand in awe of its absolute beauty. I am in love.



The Summer landscape offers consoling delight. Bright green leaves grow abundantly along common town roads. Pines, Birch, Aspen and undergrowth cover the mountains with life below the tree line, and above, small patches of life, only inches high, grow on. Glaciers patiently smooth the land beneath them as they extend towards the sea. Salmon return, every year, following something within that calls them home. Families take pleasure in the traditional dip netting trips where those old enough stand side by side in the water, pulling in their filled nets, while those too young, play on the beach.



In Fall, delicious berries ripen and both man and beast enjoy the harvest; the mountains change from green to yellow, and above tree line the ground cover changes the upper climes to a soothing mix of reds and rusty orange.



To my greatest surprise, I no longer despise the Alaska winter but marvel, instead, at its startling beauty. We haven’t climbed above zero degrees in weeks. The long past snow storms left piles of white and weighed heavy on tree limbs. Even the smallest branches were long frosted over by a beautiful, thick white icing. My first set of eyes would despise the apparent death of it all but, my new eyes see differently. This is a true Winter Wonderland. Despite the Arctic cold, plants and trees in Alaska endure and they return each spring in vivid splendor. Despite its harshness, or perhaps because of such severity, Alaska is alive, and so am I.


My former self would be upset to know that Alaska holds such an influence upon me but I am thankful. Alaska’s vigor strengthens my own I stand more willing to bear with patience the winters ahead. In spite of Death and Darkness, Life and Light go on and so do I.

The Countdown to BABY

So, we haven't been keeping exact track of the days until my due date, but here it is! I have 8 weeks to go! We are totally excited. We didn't confirm the gender of the baby with the ultrasound but, look forward to having Christmas in February. We think it's a boy, though we're not much prepared for one.

It has been a rougher pregnancy but, overall, it has been pretty good. I am thankful for answered prayers and peaceful assurances.

I am carrying lower, Rob and I had a good laugh last night at how much my belly looks like a big ball. With all of the girls I carried up near my rib cage, with this one I am really low. This has been nice for the breathing aspect, although the regular tightenings and heart flutters with this fourth pregnancy get my body going too.

This baby is a mover and a kicker! In December I had my first experience with being "sea sick", he is really mobile and one day caught me at a moment when I was nauseous and it was no fun. Donna, one of my faithful Visiting Teachers, noted that the moving talent of this one is likely a blessing, he moves pretty faithfully for me. I can be thankful for that.

Angela's stillbirth at the native hospital was surrounded by great, sensitive people, making it a precious memory. I didn't want anything with this pregnancy to change that. Our previous doctor had a baby 9 months after Angela and was no longer doing the OB portion of practice. So, I decided to change. Our plan is to deliver at the base hospital across town.

Susanna and Lucy love the baby and I realized as my belly grew, that not only was my belly no longer my own on the inside but, on the outside as well. They hug and talk to the baby during the day and at bedtime. Tonight, Lucy said, "Baby, you are an egg, and soon you are going to hatch!" Susanna always asks what the baby is doing, sleeping or awake. Both of them enjoy feeling the baby move and giving zerberts.

I've been holding other babies lately and I know I am totally out of the baby season as a mother. We have been out of the diaper phase for over a year, little pieces and toys abound in the toy room thanks to a love for Polly Pockets, and no one takes naps except for mom these days. It is going to be an interesting adjustment, although one I welcome willingly. Seeing Rob hold a baby last weekend made me even more excited. He is excited too. I think we have been more apt to visualize this one, for me, it was staring at them laying on my bed flopping their arms and legs around and for Rob it was picking them out of the crib to bring to me at night.

The News is Out

So, it's out. We're expecting another little addition to our family. This is a new but familiar road for us, our fourth pregnancy but, first to follow Angela. We're happy and ready to have a little one to watch, hear and hold!

More information to come later. The little one's anticipated arrival is about the end of March, beginning of April.

One year later

Angela Jex Boyle

June 15, 2007

On Saturday, we made a lady bug cake, thanks to Sharon Hamrick, and put 2 candles in it, one for each girl to blow out. On Sunday, we barbecued Copper River red salmon and some King salmon which I don't think I had ever tried. El Re was red steak, but both were, as Lucy would say, "Duh-lishis"!!
Last year, the night before we found out about Angela's death, we ate Copper River reds given to us by the Wilbur G. There was a sweet overlap in time this year, as Rob was on the Copper River getting some reds with Wilbur on that same evening that last year we were eating it. To me, it was all poetry.

We celebrated Angela's birth on Sunday coupled with Father's Day and it was a beautiful day. We drove up into the hills above Anchorage. There, Susanna and Lucy decided on a name for her bear, nameless for one full year! Her name is Sara.

At first I was worried about remembering what she looked like as we only had her with us for just a while. Thanks to photos from Laurel we have a way to look back on those moments. I am also thankful for Susanna and Lucile who remember her everyday. Michelene created an Angela song which Lucy sang spontaneously Sunday. Susanna makes sure Sara is in just the right position on the shelf. Tonight, Lucy fell asleep quick after our prayers, stories and songs, I love seeing Angela's features in Lucy's face. Thank heavens for sisters!

Life is beautiful. I am becoming a better person thanks to my third daughter. I am thankful for the roundabout way that through her, my eyes are opening and I see things differently, see life differently. And I love it!